everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
