I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
