peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
