so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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