cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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