Apparently you make a good broom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
