are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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