you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize