I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
