You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
