too bad you live with your parents still
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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