Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
