Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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