you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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