I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
