K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
