Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
