That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
