i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's official drugs can't kill me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
