just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
