the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
