Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
