I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
