Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
