u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
