I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
