If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
