How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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