I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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