Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
