What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize