He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She told me I should be a condom model.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
