I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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