I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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