I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
