If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
