so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
