dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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