Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
