i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
