I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
