If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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