Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
