she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
