Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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