SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
