He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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