Girls should come with a carfax report
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Boobs are out for the taking
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
