Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
