It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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