Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
