Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i now understand why vodka
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize