I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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