You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
