I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
