whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
