Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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