Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
