Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
