I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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