Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
