Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
