My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
