I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
