Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
