I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
