Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
