Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
