I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
