im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Randomize
