oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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