Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
