I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize