There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
