dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
