ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
