You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
