I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
