One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Panties = found
Randomize
