You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
