guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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