Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
