i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
