it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
