she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
