What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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