you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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