i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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