now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
