We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
