I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
