Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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