do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize