so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
