Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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