peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
