Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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