he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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