I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
