She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
