I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize