Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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