Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize