We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
