Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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