did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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