i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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