I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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