Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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