Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
