Your face is a jimmy john
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize