Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
