Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
