I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Of course I have a pirate flag
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
