Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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