I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize