I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's official drugs can't kill me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
