Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
