You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
