I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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